An Open Letter pt. II

Hey XYZ Company,

It’s me again. It seems that you didn’t get my last letter considering you’re still with Last Click. That should have been the nail in the coffin.

When you showed up with her under your arm at last week’s social media party, everyone asked me why you brought your mother along. You walked in young and hopeful and she walked in looking 20 years your age. She wasn’t polite to any of us and tried (emphasis on “tried”)  to convince us she was still “hip” and “with the times” while she drunkenly attempted the Charleston.

It was hard to pass it off as ironic while she was smoking a cigarette and wearing a "bebe" t-shirt.

It was hard to pass it off as ironic while she was smoking a cigarette and wearing a “bebe” t-shirt.

Her pink sweatpants were off-putting seeing as though we were at a formal dinner party. I also noticed that she dropped her cigarette in her salad while she was coughing up her (presumably third) lung and either didn’t notice or didn’t care while she continued to eat it.

You looked miserable and I’m pretty sure you were. You’re an attractive guy and the future is still ahead of you. Nobody judged you per se, we just felt bad. As I had mentioned before, Last Click can’t accommodate for the way that digital advertising has evolved.  That was clearly evident when she told “us kids” that our “twittergrams” and “instabooks” were just fads.

She was arrogant too. Walking past the ladies dancing on the floor, she spotted the girl I had mentioned before. C3 Metrics was totally the most rocking girl dancing that night and Last Click walked up to her, laughed in the most gawdy way possible, and left bragging about how she met Ronald Reagan. I think she felt threatened.

I felt sad for you. While you left, I noticed that she tried to stuff as many leftovers and napkins into her large Dolce and Gabbana knock-off purse with gravy and an assortment of sauces spilling out of every orifice.

Listen, don’t blow your life away using an outdated measuring system. There’s a whole new way to monitor your ad-spend and you have no idea in regards to the amount of money you could be saving.

Every Friday, the C3 Metrics team sits down and saves companies anywhere between $500,000- over $11-million dollars in ad-spend. They simply use their data (which Last Click totally lacks in) and come up with ways to not only save you money on terrible advertising but they also allow you to see where that money could go to better, more efficient ads.

C3 Metrics was still interested in you and you didn’t blow it…yet. You really need to give her a call and get to know each other because you’re certainly not getting what you need out of Last Click.

Sincerely,

2016